Your Partner Isn’t the Enemy... But Your Brain Might Think They Are

One of the biggest killers of connection in relationships?

The constant cycle of trying to prove you’re right… and prove your partner wrong.

Your brain is biased.

Like it or not, your version of “what happened” isn’t pure, unfiltered truth. It’s filtered through your past, your pain, and your programming.

Your brain isn’t neutral; it’s looking for evidence to confirm what you already believe.

So if you’ve already decided your partner is selfish, careless, or never listens… guess what you’re going to find?

Yep. Exactly that. Even if it’s not actually the full picture.

But that’s just one layer.

Here’s part two, and frankkly, it stings a little: Almost always… both of you could’ve done it better.

Could’ve spoken with more care, could’ve listened with more presence, could’ve shown up with more empathy...

Sure, maybe he said something that really hurt. But - and stay with me here - could it have been avoided?

Could you have communicated your needs sooner? Could your silence, shutdown, or sarcasm have added fuel to the fire? Could he have reacted to your emotional withdrawal and not just his own triggers?

Accountability isn’t about being “wrong.”

It’s about recognising you could’ve done it differently.

That there’s space for both people to own their part and grow.

Because when couples get stuck in that power play of who’s right and who’s wrong, they lose more than just the argument…

They lose connection and they miss the real issue. They end up fighting their memories, not each other.

I’ve worked with couples who describe the exact same moment in completely opposite ways.

Not because one’s lying, but because every time we recall a memory, it changes.

It gets distorted by our emotional charge, our bias, our trauma, our inner story.

So if you’re dead set on proving that your version is 100% correct…

Chances are, you’re wrong. (And so is he.)

So the real question becomes: What’s the damn point of being “right”?

When the goal is connection, not conquest.

When the point is repair, not punishment.

When the deeper truth is this: Your partner is not the enemy.

They’re a flawed, tender, reactive, emotional human - just like you - seeing the world through their lens.

So the next time you feel the heat rising and want to “correct” them 🙃

Ask yourself:

What matters more - your ego, or this relationship?

Because every time you choose being right over being loving, you’re choosing to make your partner smaller, inferior, and wrong.

And love doesn’t live there.

Let go of the scoreboard; Breathe. Soften. Listen to understand.

And remember: It’s not about perfection but it IS about doing better - together.

P.S. Want more support with navigating real, messy relationship stuff?

Join my free Facebook group, Unshakable Love - a space for women who want deeper connection, safer love, and better communication.

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