The Other Side of Coercive Control: What We're Still Not Talking About

Unpopular opinion: This new coercive control law has me feeling both relieved… and deeply concerned.

Relieved, because emotional and psychological abuse is real, and for too long, it's been minimised, misunderstood, or brushed off entirely.

But also deeply concerned, because I can’t help but see how easily this could turn into another weapon... and not always in the hands you’d expect.

And really, let's be honest:

There are a lot of good men already walking on eggshells in their relationships.

Men who are terrified of saying the wrong thing, who’ve been shut down so many times they’ve stopped speaking up altogether, who try to set a boundary, only to be told they’re controlling or manipulative... men whose pain is dismissed, invalidated, or worse - used against them.

And now, with laws that (rightfully) seek to protect women from coercion and abuse, I can’t help but wonder:

How many men will be falsely accused or misunderstood, while the covert, socially acceptable forms of manipulation continue unchecked?

Coercive control isn’t always loud. It isn’t always male-perpetrated and it isn’t always aggressive - but it's absolutely toxic and dangerous.

Sometimes it’s:

• The emotional blackmail.

• The silent treatment.

• The “you made me act this way” narrative.

• The threats of taking the kids.

• The confusion, the tears, the subtle withdrawal that leaves the other person scrambling to fix things they didn’t break.

And while these behaviours may not leave bruises… they do leave trauma.

But women are rarely called controlling for this. We’re rarely labelled abusive, because our pain has been socially validated, while men's has been shamed, ridiculed, or dismissed.

This isn’t about picking sides and it's absolutely not about diluting the seriousness of male violence or control.

It’s about expanding the lens. It’s about recognising that all humans have the capacity to harm and all humans deserve access to healing, safety, and self-responsibility.

Because if we’re not willing to hold both genders accountable...Then this isn’t about justice, is it? It'’s about power.

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And power misused - even under the banner of protection - is still control.

It’s time we start looking deeper; beyond gender, beyond roles and beyond what’s easy to blame.

Let’s talk about the pain beneath the patterns! Let’s talk about the fear, the unmet needs, the trauma responses that shape our behaviours.

Let’s talk about healing - real healing - that doesn’t start with blame, but with brave self-honesty.

That’s the conversation I’m here to lead

And if you're ready to be part of it - to unpack your own patterns, reclaim your power, and move toward relationships rooted in truth and safety - you’re in the right place.

Welcome to my corner of the internet where we burn the rulebook - and start again.

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